Losing: The Anti-Viagra??

(Miami Dolphins)You don’t need a prescription!  No Viagra and no Cialis necessary!  At least one out of five doctors recommends winning to boost testosterone levels.  Unfortunately, they also tell us that the opposite is true with losing, must be why teams employ cheerleaders!

We all know about the heartache, the pain, the suffering and the ulcers that can come as a result of rooting for our favorite team.  Sure, we’ve all felt the joy and the rush of seeing our team win a big game.  But it’s the losses that hurt the most.

I can personally recall the pain associated with the Miami Dolphins’ 2004 season – the debacle of hiring Dan Marino as the “Senior Vice President of Football Operations” followed by his departure even before he started the job, the sudden retirement of Ricky Williams, Hurricane Ivan, Hurricane Jeanne, Olindo Mare getting hurt kicking from the infield dirt, Dave Wannstedt stepping aside as head coach, the experimental coaching job performed by Jim Bates and ultimately the 4-12 record.  Pain?  More like a hurtfest, a pride-swallowing siege (to quote Jerry Maguire)!

It’s all of these effects that psychologists have taken the time to study.  Sure, we all know about sports psychology and how they try to fix an athlete’s brain to make them perform better at game time.  But now these individuals with large brain pans have also dropped some knowledge on us little people.

And part of that knowledge is this – fans of professional sports teams can experience an impact on their hormone levels (most notably testosterone) based on their team’s performance.  You heard right!  With each win, especially in a big game, men can experience a rise in their manly-man region and, conversely, can begin to feel a little less burly with a loss.

Dr. Richard Lustberg, Ph.D. has studied pretty much every facet of sports psychology.  And now he tells us that babies can come not from the cabbage patch but from a win in the Conference Title game!  Yup!  That’s right!  The strains of smooth jazz can be heard in the hours following a win.  But instead of a baby boom, losses cause a lack of babies since more snoring than jazz can be heard after a loss, apparently.

The reason for all of this?  According to Dr. Lustberg, the psychology of rooting for our favorite team not only involves how we feel about the team but also how we feel about ourselves.  Those who follow a winner generally feel good about themselves while those who root for a perennial loser generally don’t feel so great.  Sort of makes you wonder why there hasn’t been a baby shortage in cities like Detroit and
Phoenix, huh?

Need proof?  Seems Tom Brady need only look at a woman to have her running for the OB/Gyn.  The obvious mantra is this – win the Super Bowl, make some babies!  The Colts won the Big One in February.  Be watching for a baby boom in Indiana this November!

That’s not to mention the impact it could have on the Miami/Dade County area and every household across the country where a male Dolfan lives.  We’re off to an 0-2 start!  That’s two losses impacting how we feel about ourselves and, as a result, potentially cutting our supply of testosterone!

And during that horrible 2004 season, you’d have to wonder if there was any procreation or recreation going on anywhere in Dolfan Nation!  See?  I knew Dave Wannstedt was a bad coach!

As for our new coach, Cam Cameron – have we given him enough time to right the ship?  Is it possible for the new staff to make lemonade out of the lemons they’ve inherited?  I’m not so sure it’s time to jump off a bridge.  But I can assure you of this…Cam Cameron may very well hold the future of the population of Dolfans everywhere in his very hands.  Poor guy probably doesn’t know just how much power he has.  Somebody better tell him!

Let’s hope there are some wins in our near future!!  If not, there may very well be a lot of men out there looking for new hobbies.  Knitting, anyone?  GO DOLPHINS!!!  GO TESTOSTERONE!!!!

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