Jets Fans Ordered To Leave Games By 2nd Half
By Brian Miller
Commissioner Roger Goodell is not playing around. In fact, his take no prisoner approach to NFL punishment is seen as a much needed boost for a league that has taken it’s share of black-eyes the last few years.
Earlier this off-season Goodell informed the league owners at their annual meetings that teams would not be fined for player infractions. He also stated that a new “Code of Conduct” policy would be instituted for the NFL fans as well. Today, that policy was announced, and the NY Jets must inform their fans that they will have to leave the stadium prior to the start of the 2nd half.
In the new proposal, fans must, should they want to keep watching the games at the stadiums, abide by all rules or risk being ejected.
1: Behavior that is unruly disruptive or illegal in nature: The NY Jets fans are notorious for playing Marti Gras on the concourses with unsuspecting women. This type of “unruly behavior” will be sufficient enough to lose at least 10 percent of the Jets fans prior to kick-off.
2: Verbal or physical harassment of opposing team fans: Yeah, you can’t walk to the stadium without being verbally assaulted, and physicall, when the Jets are playing. Before they can get their tickets punched, at least 30 percent of the Jets faithfull will be sent home and barred from admittance.
3: Foul or abusive language or obscene gestures: It’s freaking NY for crying out loud. Obscene gestures are the way the say hello on the street. “Hey, how the F8%k are you doin?” This will effectively eliminate another 20 percent from the stadium prior to the end of the 1st quarter.
4: Failing to follow the directions of stadium personnel: The word out of NY is that the entire stadium staff have been enrolled in simplistic sign language courses and are being instructed to speak slowly and not to point to signs due to the fact that Jets fans can’t read. Since there will now be a language barrier, we can chalk up a loss of another 10 percent by half-time….it would be more, but most Jets fans just urinate in their seats rather than ask for directions.
5: Interference with the progress of the game (including throwing objects onto the field): This is actually a rule implemented only for the end-zone fans as most Jets fans, like Chad Pennington, don’t have an arm strong enough to throw from the seats to the field.
6: Intoxication or other signs of alcoholic impairment that results in irresponsible behavior: The Ny Jets fans were warned about sneaking hard liquor into the stadium VIA hidden flasks prior to the arrival of Roger Goodell. That hasn’t stopped the team from feeding them beer. Most teams stop the sale of alchohol at the start of the 4th quarter, in NY, they will have to stop the sale at the end of half-time. When the alcohol is gone, Jets fans will be ordered home because they will all be drunk. Oh, and the NY Jets have informed Joe Namath that he can no longer come to the stadium to watch games.