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Tom Brady Is Dead


I know this for a fact.  He died yesterday.  Tom Brady is deadBill Belichick and the Patriots just don’t want you to know, they are trying to hide it like they do with injuries.  If you listen to the Belichick press conference and play it backwards it says, “Tom Brady is dead, Tom Brady is dead“.  It must be true.  Where is Giselle to refute the claims…someone, anyone, Ferris Bueller…PLEASE GOD HELP! Someone call NASA, the FBI, the CIA!

Why else would a knee injury to anyone garner such unfreakingbelievable press?  The sky must surely be falling.  Hey, I don’t wish injury on any player, zero, zilch, notaone, but come on, this is unreal.  Listen to the sports talk shows in the New England area and your waiting for an obit.  Haven’t you heard, the Patriots are mediocre now.  The team’s 2008 video will be a tribute to him complete with weekly shots of him rehabbing and standing on the sidelines.

So many teams have lost QB’s it’s ridiculous.  The Miami Dolphins lost Dan Marino for a season to an Achilles injury.  Joe Theismann lost his career to Lawrence TaylorBob Griese was lost for 90 percent of the season in 1972.  Michael Vick lost his career to, o.k. that was pretty low.  This is not the first time and it will not be the last time that an NFL QB goes down.

The NFL is currently negotiating a new CBA agreement.  Will there be yet another new rule implemented at the next owners meeting?  Another Brady rule?  We already have the “Tuck” rule, now how about the two hand touch on the QB rule?

Turn on ESPN, NFL Network, ESPN News, Sports Talk Radio, whatever, it’s Tom Brady, Tom Brady, Tom Brady.  Did you know that Vince Young has torn his MCL?  May miss 2-4 weeks if not more?  Nor did I but he did…seriously.   Sorry, I went off topic there for a minute forgot this day was Tom Brady day.

I spoke with campaign managers for both Presidential candidates and here is the “official” comments from both John McCain and Barrack Obama.

The Nation lost a true Patriot today.  His absence is indicative of the fight we wage against the defense of this nation.  His service is irreplaceable.  If elected, I will make every September 8th a national holiday in his honor. – Senator John McCain

Randy Moss called me this morning to tell me the bad news.  I am canceling my mid-west campaigning to head to Massachusetts.  This is a sad day for all America, and I vow to get us out of this trouble.  Tom had no business being that close to the line of scrimmage in the first place.  I blame George Bush. – Barrack Obama

I also received a letter today from Daunte Culpepper’s agent.

My client has retired from football and all the talk about him rejoining Randy Moss on the field is premature.  He will not call the Patriots to express interest because he believes they should be calling him instead.  Not reaching out to my client yesterday but instead speaking with Chris Simms and Tim Rattay is a slap in my clients face.  I am, I mean my client is better than those idiots.  Tennessee needs a QB too with Vince going down and since my client can only play a few weeks before he get re-injured, that is likely the better spot for me, I mean for him.

A press conference is scheduled for today to announce funeral arrangements and processional.  The Patriots will wear black armbands on their jerseys the rest of the year with “TB” on them and Matt Cassel already has a date for the Victoria Secrets fashion show.  Bill Belichick is none to thrilled saying, according to a source, “it’s just way too early for him to be taking over Tom’s lifestyle he doesn’t have the potency that Tom does”.

Tom Brady hurt his knee.  Badly.  Hope he recovers from this…seriously.  Still the sky is not falling, the world will not end, and the Patriots will still play next Sunday along with 31 other NFL teams.  You would think the only game played yesterday was the New England/KC game.  Is this news?  Sure it is, but somewhere, Tom Brady is looking down at us all staring out of his hospital room saying in his best Monty Python accent…”I’m not dead yet“.

Tags: Bill Belichick Dan Marino Matt Cassel Miami Dolphins New England Patriots Tom Brady

  • Chad

    You’re a loser, of course the best player in the NFL going down is a big story…Sorry the talent level is so low in Miami. 

  • http://phinphanatic.com Brian Miller

    It’s not a knock on Brady, it’s a knock on the media circus around it….OMG the Patriots suck now, OMG they can’t survive without out Tom. Try reading next time idiot.

  • Chad

    I tried reading the whole thing but for one it put me to sleep and what I did get through was so poorly written that I threw up in my mouth a little bit.  

  • Matt

    Wow is all I can truly say to this. My first reaction is anger from reading this posting. But then I rememeber it’s written by a Dolphins fan who for a few moments along with the rest of Dolphin Nation had a thought, Could we compete and possibly win the AFC East this year. Well sorry to bust your bubbles that won’t be happening this year or any year soon. After my anger subsides I realize each week the top stories from the weekend in football always gets the headline. Week 1 in the NFL season the top story is the season ending injury to the NFL’s best QB Tom Brady, so of course it’s going to get the major air time on all the sites and stations across the country. Does it mean Brady’s a GOD (well actually he kinda is…lol) no it just means that he’s the most important story from the opening week in the NFL.

       Now I am and always will be a fan of the Patriots and of Brady’s. So for all of those Patriot/Brady haters who have already written the Patriots of this season (see Vegas who made them 8-1 to win the Super Bowl after Brady’s injury). Just remember that the Patriots are and WILL still be the AFC East Champions once again this year at the end of the season. People forget 2001 when the Patriots lost then QB Drew Bledsoe and alittle unknown QB came into the picture and worked miracles. It’s happened once before for us it just could happen again….. So until another team comes along and knocks us of our perch will still are the AFC East as well as the defending AFC East Champions.

  • http://phinphanatic.com Brian Miller

    WOW so it is true…Patriot fans have no clue what sarcasm is and can’t read between lines…guess thats why they are all Democrats as well.

    Jesus you guys need to get a life…and then…a sense of humor to go with it.

  • Chad

    Now it all makes sense, you’re a republican…that explains the stupidity.  I hope Mercury Morris dies in awful hair replacement accident.  

  • JimsFins4

    As a life long DOLPHINS fan… This is pitiful, poorly written and seriously lacking in taste. I like my NFL with ALL the best players playing. You sir are a disgrace.

  • http://phinphanatic.com Brian Miller

    Chad:  Well, I’m sure you enjoyed the taste.

  • http://phinphanatic.com Brian Miller

    JIM: Apparently I guess I was wrong and it is not just Patriot fans who can’t comprehend sarcasm.  It was a reference to media and not Tom Brady…Thanks for trying i will try and simplify further writings for you…:)

  • Chad

    Good one.

  • http://phinphanatic.com Brian Miller

    Seriously are you people that freaking stupid?  Seriously?  Where does it say one time in there that I am glad that Tom Brady got hurt?  Where did it say one time that the Patriots are so totally screwed now that he is injured.  Why are you all pissed at me?  The truth is that the Media is making a mockery out of the Patriots right now saying how they will be lucky to win the division and that 8-8 isn’t out of the question…yet I said nothing of the sort….NOTHING.  Cry me a river.  This entire piece was deliberately a smack at the Media frenzy surrounding it and the fact that THEY are making way too much out of it….aside from the few that bothered to post their comments here, the rest of you should show enough to put it here instead of Emailing me your stupid comments. 

    Learn to read!!!  This isn’t even tongue in cheeck…this is blatantly a swipe at the media and you guys think it’s about Brady…NOW THATS FUNNY!

  • George (MaineDolfan)

    You Pats fans crack me up.  You’ve lived in such a bubble the past 6 or 7 years.  I hate to see a guy like Brady go down.  Plays the game the right way, keeps his mouth shut (for the most part) and works hard for everything he accomplishes…..but don’t get all holier than thou at a little sarcastic humor that for once goes against you.  As a Phins fan that has lived in New England for over 20 years I’ve heard many a “classless” comment go toward opposing teams.  How many times did I get laughed at when Dan Marino went down to a ruptured achilles and he wasn’t even hit.  So….get over yourselves.  Your fans are no different than every other teams fans.  I just feel bad that it was Brady that fell victim to Bill Belichick’s karma!

  • http://phinphanatic.com Brian Miller

    Better watch it George they may think that comment means you like to kick dogs.

  • 21blue

    Brian, Please let me try and reason with some of the bloggers here.  I know Brian and I know for a fact he was just trying to spoof the media-talking heads and didn’t mean anything by it.  I am a fan of both teams with the Patriots my first and foremost team. I am dissapointed as much as anyone is ,that love’ this great sport and wishes no harm to any one.  it is sarcasm and that is all it is. Best wishes and a speedy recovery for Tom.

  • http://phinphanatic.com Brian Miller

    See….HE GET’S IT….Thanks 21!  :)

  • http://catcrave.com CatCrave

    This is the most tasteless, meanest, nastiest post I’ve ever read anywhere on the Fan Sided Network.

    I FREAKING LOVE IT!!!

    Do you think for one minute that Patriots fans were crying in their beers when Marino blew out his achilles in Cleveland?  Were they upset when Shula retired (was fired)?  Did they send letters of condolence when the Dolphins hired one of the biggest douche bags in the free world who eventually left them high and dry?

    Not a chance.

    The football world doesn’t revolve around Foxboro.  Bill Belichick is a piece of shit cheater.  You reap what you freaking sow!  Eat it, Patriots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Buh Bye!!!

  • IMAWriter

    Brian…the media, especially that in the East (wait, isn’t all the self-righteous media in the East?) finally had someone other than Fav-ruh to gush over, though Fav-ruh gusing will continue, as other than Chris Berman (a Bills fan) ESPN bleeds Jets and Pats.
    I’ve heard so many Pats fans over the years extol their coach as genius, their team as best ever, yada yada. OK, a TEAM of 53 loses a great player, yes, but with 52 others trhey should suck it up, shut up, and play. And as for the media, anyone that thinks the Pats can’t still win 10 games is delusional. They have the best receiving corp in our division, possibly the entire AFC, a solid rush game, a GENIUS coach in Bellicheat (so they say), and so forth.
    If they die likes dogs, no one but Pats fans will cry, but the word gutless would come to mind if the tank the season.
    The Fins lost Griese, so an aged veteran held the fort that UNDEFEATED SEASON. Jeff Hotstetler saved the Giants season and they won a Super Bowl, and yes, even the Golden Child, one Mr. Tom Brady stepped up when Bledsoe went down.
    The media has a right to cover this. But there were other stories out there as well. Balance as regards the media has disappeared. Thus, another media  creation…OBAMA (sorry, couldn’t resist. LOL
    Go Fins.

  • Chad

    Why would we cry in our beers over Miami mistakes, we are not Miami fans, just like you’re not crying in your wine cooler over Brady.  Your post is ridiculous sweetheart,  go do some laundry and leave the football talk to the men.   (Hey Brian is that enough sarcasm for you?)

  • http://phinphanatic.com Brian Miller

    wine cooler…LMAO