Here it is folks, my 2013 top 10 wild predictions for this years Super Bowl. Take it to the bank baby!
10: Ray Lewis is going to sob like a baby during the National Anthem while he mumbles something to heaven. Every camera in the stadium will catch a different angle of it.
9: I’m going to really stretch this one here but Ted Ginn, Jr. will return both a kick-off AND a punt to the sideline avoiding a major hit. He will give up at least 10 yards to get out of bounds.
8: After the game, at least one guy named Harbaugh will lift the Lombardi Trophy.
7: The broadcast cameras will show Jim and John Harbaugh’s parents after every score, every turnover, and after Jim Harbaugh throws a tantrum on the sideline. Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were invited into the booth at some point. In fact, bank on it.
6: Ray Lewis will be lying on the ground crying like a little girl after the game. Regardless if they win or lose.
5: San Francisco 49’er kicker David Akers will miss two field goals but kick the FG that takes the game into OT where the 49’ers will lose and all the 49’er fans will say “If Akers had made just one of those kicks in regulation we would have won!” Dolphins fans will understand how they feel.
4: Colin Kaepernick will “Kaepernick” at least three time regardless of whether he scores or not simply to try and spread the “Tebowesque” gesture that he coincidentally is trying to trademark. Somehow it’s just not the same as Tebowing.
3: If the Ravens win, Joe Flacco will be asked where he is going next. He will reply “To the bank bitches!” Flacco is set to be a free agent. A Super Bowl loss will cost him a few million in coin.
2: A squad of the Navy F-15’s will buzz over the Super Bowl during the final portion of the National Anthem. They will be about two seconds late because Alicia Keys will be lip syncing so the note won’t be held long enough. Which won’t really matter of course since no one will see it because the stadium is a dome. CBS will fail to show the flyby.
1: Beyonce will perform at half-time. She will screw up at least three times when she forgets the words. Only the viewers at home will notice since of course, she lip syncs. After which Ray Lewis will cry. Someone will also give the bird to the CBS cameras. If it’s a volunteer performer they will go to jail, if it’s a professional performer CBS will get a fine.
Final game predictions? Either Jim Harbaugh or John Harbaugh will hoist a trophy and thus become Jack Harbaugh’s favorite son while the other becomes the favorite of their mother (secretly that won’t be true but that’s what mom’s do). Win or lose, Ray Lewis will cry and the cameras will catch him as soon as the game ends. The first Super Bowl overtime game will end with a Ted Ginn punt return. A 25 yard lateral sprint to the sideline. The 49’ers will capitalize on the poor field position with a designed Colin Kaepernick run for 25 yards where he will kiss his arm without being touched and lose the ball. The Ravens will advance the ball to the one yard line where they will hand it off to Ray Lewis who will ceremoniously fall in tears to center the placement for a FG attempt where the Ravens will win the game on a successful attempt.
And Ray Lewis will cry. Then when he is asked where he is going after the game, he will say to find me and kill me for calling him a baby.
And that is your BOLD Predictions for the 2013 Super Bowl.