Top 5 Reasons Miami’s Season Doesn’t Suck


The Miami Dolphins are now under .500 and with a very tough Cincinnati Bengal team coming to town on a short week (Thursday) it’s likely that sub .500 record will go one more game below.

In a season that showcases the worst New England Patriot team since 2008 still 6-2 the Dolphins season is tanking quickly.  But there is good news for this writer.  I can take five things from this seasons record that I couldn’t three weeks ago.

So here are MY top 5 reasons the Dolphins season doesn’t suck.

Number 5:  My blood pressure.  During the first three games my BP elevated about 20 points causing my doctor to threaten medication.  The close games of Baltimore and Buffalo did nothing to lower the number.  Now, with the realization that this season very well could be like the last six I fully expect my BP to return to normal.

Number 4:  My wife and son.  It’s one thing to try and watch a game and run a chat room but it’s entirely different when you have to get up off the couch and make your son a drink even though he is capable of doing it himself.  My wife likes to chat it up during a game at least when she is home.  Sorry but “Quality time” is not time during a football game on Sunday.  Well, now that the season is falling away I don’t have to worry about telling my wife to be a little quieter or to move to another room…so it looks like we might actually make it to year 20 after all.

Number 3:  The rest of the games on Sunday.  I have been so into the Dolphins this season that I haven’t remotely changed the channel while the team is playing.  I have missed some great games or at least parts of games while watching the Game Mix channel.  Now I can swap the channel to the Game Mix and not miss some great plays on other channels while still not really missing much in the Miami game.

Number 2:  My family.  Yes I know they are listed here twice but like years past I’m over the loss within a few minutes of the game ending.  No longer am I sulking for the entire day through most of the week and taking it out on the fam who insist I’m being a child.  Well now I have no worries about pissing and moaning all week long.

Number 1:  I can stop all the pre-game and in-game rituals.  My superstitious tendencies are no more.  I can wash that aqua underwear, can finally wash that damn cup I have held on to for seven weeks, and can finally stop kicking my little dog off my lap each time he climbs up.  No more wearing a hat indoors, no more predicting BS game outcomes so I don’t jinx the team, and no more timing bathroom runs with who has the ball.

Ahhhhhh, now I can sit back and relax and have no expectations.  On behalf of my family…thank you Miami!

 

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Tags: Miami Dolphins

  • GoJoeBruinUCLA

    This is hilarious.

  • George A Avant Jr.

    Thanks for putting a humorous spin on this waste of a season. Yet ANOTHER one. I got one more for ya. Now we won’t need to listen to Joe Philbin talk about what a great job Sherman is doing, how they aren’t changing a single thing and how they made the right call, because after all, when you run you could pass and when you pass you coulda run. Nevermind analyzing what might have cost you the game. Good times.

  • Chad Ronnebaum

    Why dont you just go get some New England gear then? Your not a Miami fan that is clear. 3-4 and you are tossing in the towel. As a Miami fan I am calling you out as pathetic for even writing this.

    • txmedic5

      Lighten up Francis!