Dolphins Draft: A true fans grades & evaluations of day 3
After failing Dolphin nation and blatantly blowing my first draft review article. I review day 3 of the NFL draft for the Miami Dolphins. This is meant for only the true fans.
So, I wrote my first analysis and grading of an NFL draft. Here are some of the great feedback from many of my adoring fans:
“How do you have a job?”
“Harsh”
“Everybody has their opinion.”
“Hey Travis your so damn smart why don’t you run their draft!”
“Can you please go to another team like Cleveland. They would love you……”
(I’m being serious check out my last article and scroll to them comments)
So now that we got all of that fantastic feedback out of the way, and the autograph demands that each of you made, I will give you what you want. A TRUE DOLPHINS RECAP OF THE DAY THREE OF THE 2018 NFL DRAFT.
Round 4:
Durham Smythe: This pick is merely a duplicate pick of THE MOST FLAWLESS tight end in the 2018 draft. Both Mike Gesicki, and Durham Smythe are absolute monsters that have less flaws in their game than Gal Gadot’s skin. The only reason we drafted Smythe is because of equal opportunity laws and the mere thought of CONSTANTLY running two tight end sets with two celestial tight ends.
They will constantly compete against each other to see who will get to 15 receptions and 3 tds in a game first, and the loser will have to do bench curls on the others chiseled abs. The bash bros are here for good and there’s nothing wrong with that. Both will catch, block, and run routes like God built them for it, because He did.
Grade: His A stacked with Mike’s, so 200 out of 100.
Round 4 part 2:
Kalen Ballage: LOOK AT THIS MAN. He is 6’2” and 228 of nothing but protein turned into meat. The only reason we got Frank Gore is to tell this man where to run. Kenyon Drake will merely be on the team to look fabulous with the one black strip nestled perfectly under his milky eye that even inspired Celine Dion to write the sequel to “The Power of Love.”
Kalen admitted to agreeing to split carries in college so that he could slip far enough for a tropical team to draft him. Mission accomplished Kal. Cue Will Smith: “WELCOME TO MIAMI.” Kalen is a 21-year-old man with a 36-year-old face that screams “feed me nails mixed with axel grit.”
Grade: slightly higher than Barkely, so an A.
Round 5:
You thought we didn’t have a pick in this round, and you were wrong. We picked not to choose here. We knew that all 32 teams weren’t going to find the platinum talent that we had marked down for round six and seven. This gave us time to get our gold necklaces, unbutton our beach shirts, and slick our hair back while thrusting our hips to more Will Smith. “nanananana, getting jiggy wit it.”
Round 6:
Cornell Armstrong: He was so under the radar that even ESPN didn’t have a profile picture for him. They also list the main concern being his short arms. Well, guess what ESPN, YOU’RE DEAD A@# WRONG. His short arms help this man avoid the wind resistance that would otherwise hinder him. Why do you think T-Rexs ruled the world? BECAUSE THEY CAUGHT UP TO EVERYTHING. They didn’t need those arms swinging in the wind. T-Rexs used what was important, shut down instincts.
Southern Mississippi’s defense had the top-rated secondary on the side that Cornell played on, with the following stats.
Passes defended: 2
Passed attempted: 2
Passes thought about after those two passes: 0
Cornell is a shoe-in for starting over Xavier and it’s not really a competition. With T-Rex arms like that, X doesn’t have a chance.
Grade: X. Marking the end to Xavier’s spot on this roster.
Round 7:
Quentin Poling: Do you know what stands out with Captain Q? Captain. Adam Gase presented Quentin with his jersey on the podium (unheard of for round seven), and his jersey came with the C sewn on the front.
Quintin had the opportunity to go to Ohio State but chose Ohio because he wanted to bring one thing, and one thing only. Firm handshakes. Q doesn’t need his outstanding speed and I’m not worried about the long list of injuries he played through. Because at the end of the day, every big play will be met with a firm handshake and a soft nod from one of America’s greatest captains.
Honestly, I have Poling rated higher than Jerome Baker, Terrell Suggs, and Zach Thomas. He will elevate everyone’s skill and Tannehill will play through additional ACL injuries. Gase will never dumb his playbook down again with Q on patrol. Gatorade will be distributed evenly and sparsely.
Avengers spoiler alert:
Captain America doesn’t die in the Infinite Wars. Quintin had to approve the usage of his likeness and he shut it down.
Grade: C…. For Captain and Courtesy
So there you have it Fin fans. The ending to the best draft since ‘04 when the Dolphins knew that Eli Manning, Phillip Rivers, and Big Ben were certain busts. Larry Fitzgerald was also in that one, but we wanted the real talented Fitzgerald that would appear no less than 14 years later. Vernon Carey was a steal.