Phin Phanatic
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Five things that should be on Dolphin fans’ Christmas lists

By Neil Patrick Healy

ORCHARD PARK, NY - DECEMBER 17: Salvon Ahmed #26 of the Miami Dolphins celebrates with teammates after scoring a touchdown during the second quarter of an NFL football game against the Buffalo Bills at Highmark Stadium on December 17, 2022 in Orchard Park, New York. (Photo by Kevin Sabitus/Getty Images)
ORCHARD PARK, NY - DECEMBER 17: Salvon Ahmed #26 of the Miami Dolphins celebrates with teammates after scoring a touchdown during the second quarter of an NFL football game against the Buffalo Bills at Highmark Stadium on December 17, 2022 in Orchard Park, New York. (Photo by Kevin Sabitus/Getty Images) /
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ORCHARD PARK, NEW YORK – DECEMBER 17: Tyreek Hill #10 of the Miami Dolphins celebrates after scoring a touchdown against the Buffalo Bills during the third quarter of the game at Highmark Stadium on December 17, 2022 in Orchard Park, New York. (Photo by Timothy T Ludwig/Getty Images)
ORCHARD PARK, NEW YORK – DECEMBER 17: Tyreek Hill #10 of the Miami Dolphins celebrates after scoring a touchdown against the Buffalo Bills during the third quarter of the game at Highmark Stadium on December 17, 2022 in Orchard Park, New York. (Photo by Timothy T Ludwig/Getty Images) /

The big one: Miami Dolphins make the playoffs

In the end, though, the Dolphins just need to get to the playoffs. It doesn’t matter how, just getting there will be a huge success. With the drama with ownership, Flores, lawsuits, and Tagovailoa’s injuries along with having a first-year head coach, the first playoff berth since 2016 would be a huge present for Dolphins fans.

The organization went all-in trading for wide receiver Tyreek Hill and went even deeper by trading a first-round pick to the Denver Broncos for defensive end Bradley Chubb. It all has to end in a trip to the postseason. According to fivethirtyeight.com, the Dolphins have a 78 percent chance of making the playoffs. It’s a big number, but that 22 percent is still there. That’s the big present Dolphins fans are leading their lists with.

Bonus gift: avoid Mahomes

Making the playoffs is the big, heavy, beautifully-wrapped present under the tree. Any Dolphins fan is happy with this gift, but then there’s the present mom hides at the very back to create one last surprise for Christmas morning. For the Dolphins, it would be avoiding the Kansas City Chiefs in the playoffs.

If the season ended today, Miami would be the No. 7 seed and flying to cold, frigid Kansas City to face off against Patrick Mahomes. It would be a real bummer for the Dolphins to fight and claw their way to the playoffs just to be rewarded with facing the high-flying Chiefs in the first round. The Dolphins haven’t won a playoff game since 2000, and the odds of the Chiefs being the opponent to end the streak are slim.

Keeping an eye on the standings, the potential of earning the No. 6 seed would be a road game at Cincinnati, a tough game as well, but a better matchup than Kansas City. The Dolphins can generate a pass rush against the Bengals’ poor offensive line and be in quarterback Joe Burrow’s face all game.

If the first three items on the list are stocking stuffers and the playoff appearance is the main gift, consider avoiding Mahomes as the accessory gift. Even if Dolphins fans won’t admit it, they’d love that present, too.

Merry Christmas, Dolphins fans.

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