Remember the last time you won an award? It doesn't matter how important the actual award was – winning rules. Remember that adrenaline rush when you were informed that you read the most books over the summer break? Or that YOU were the one who correctly guessed how many pieces of taffy were in that jar? Winning an award is one of life's truly beautiful moments.
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Unless, apparently, you are the Miami Dolphins. When you're the Miami Dolphins, even the awards you are given are kind of a bummer. I guess that's the price you pay for getting to live in South Beach? Like, I bet the Packers are winning a bunch of fun awards. But at what cost? But back to the Dolphins – ESPN gave them a weird superlative for some reason, and it is a huge bummer. Like, it's an even bigger bummer than I think you're expecting. It's such a bummer that I almost feel personally insulted by it.
ESPN's superlative for the Dolphins' offseason is a big ol' bummer
The superlative: Least likely to find a solution for their most pressing problem
"The Dolphins are facing an impasse with veteran cornerback Jalen Ramsey, and they have nobody to blame but themselves. When they traded a third-round pick and tight end Hunter Long to the Rams for Ramsey in spring 2023, they signed Ramsey to a new deal with two years of guarantees. That money would have run out after the 2024 season, but Miami extended him with a three-year, $72 million contract just before Week 1 last year, essentially adding an additional $25 million in guarantees to his contract for the 2025 campaign ... Ramsey is still a good player, but unless he's willing to give up a significant amount of guaranteed money or the Dolphins are willing to eat some of what he's due, it's hard to find a way this ends amicably for all involved. And given that this is the same cornerback who once showed up to training camp in an armored truck as he sought a new deal from the Jaguars, it would be surprising if he didn't make his frustrations public in the coming months."
How is that a superlative?! Can you imagine getting your yearbook back in 7th grade and seeing 'Most Likely To Probably Have A Pretty Tough Time Figuring Things Out' under your name? I get all the football reasons why they'd say this, but I'm not going to pretend that makes me any less personally upset about it. What's the point of playing in the same division as the New York Jets if you're the team getting made fun of?