Malcolm Perry was claimed off waivers by a Miami Dolphins rival

The Sun rising in the east, Taco Bell going right through you, and players constantly traveling the Miami Dolphins to New England Patriots pipeline. You can set your watch to these three occurrences happening every time. Today was no different. In what’s going down as the easiest call since money lining the Ravens in the preseason, recently released Malcolm Perry has been signed by the New England Patriots.

When Perry was released on the last day of cuts on Monday, there were many, me included, who p̶e̶n̶c̶i̶l̶e̶d̶ sharpied Perry’s name in as a New England Patriot. It just made too much sense. Perry, who had some nice moments last year on the Dolphins, was part of a very weak receiving core. Everyone was hurt giving the former Midshipmen a chance to show what he can do. He was close to making the Dolphin’s final roster but Miami brought in many more talented receivers this off-season. I imagine the Dolphins were crossing their fingers that he would clear waivers so that they could sign him to their practice squad. But no dice.

Now the knee-jerk reaction that all of us are having is that Perry is going to kneel before the hooded one and spills all of the secrets that the two-headed monster of Godsey and Studesville have created with the new non-Chan Gailey offense that’s been crafted for Tua. I wouldn’t worry too much about that. If I know Brian Flores like I know Brian Flores, which is to say that I don’t know him at all, I would think he has a countermeasure in place for such a scenario. He probably figured Perry, Merrit or Laird were going to get picked by the Patriots so it makes sense that he would have a contingency in place.

Realistically, what is Perry going to be telling them that would really change what Belichick was going to do anyway? If he really wants to know what the Dolphins offense is going to look like, he can watch some tape of the Texans when Godsey was with them or even call up his old buddy Nick Saban and ask for some game film of Tua at Alabama.

Either way, good luck Bill. Good luck asking Perry what the Dolphins do and he tells you that Waddle and Fuller are really fast and it doesn’t matter what you do that they’re just going to run by you. Have a ball with the very sensitive information on how Mike Gesicki can jump out of the stadium, run down the seam, and make one-handed catches like it’s part of his job description. Wrap your head around the very predictable revelation which is that the Dolphins have developed an offense around Tua that will highlight the RPO.

As I said, Flores will have new stuff in place such as signals and calls just in case he believes Perry will singing. Maybe Flores was planning all along to release Perry knowing full well that Bill wouldn’t be able to resist an undersized receiver, who can also throw, who was a late-round pick and has been purposely doing things at practice that weren’t part of the “real” plan. That be great and totally on-brand for Brian Flores.

Maybe Flores released Perry knowing New England would sign him and that he ordered Perry to tell them all the wrong information on what Miami plans on doing against them on Sept. 12. Then after Miami thumps the Patriots, Bill gets disgusted by what happened and he releases Perry where Miami can roll up and pick him back up. Not a crazy conspiracy. Isaiah Ford did it last year. Anything is possible with this regime.

My brain is on fire right now thinking about just how deep this Malcolm Perry situation can get. I’m going to relax, have a beverage, and take comfort in knowing that the Dolphins are only 11 days away from taking the Patriots to task. I like that plan and you’re all welcome to join me. Enjoy the rest of your Wednesday.