NFL Draft: Your unofficial drinking game guide for 2022

The 2022 NFL Draft is only a few days away and I for one can’t wait. The draft gives so many people, of all fan bases new hope, a clean slate, and a reason to get excited about football. This unofficial NFL Draft drinking game is something for you and your friends can play to enhance your evening if you dare.

I’ve been writing this article for the past five years and folks have told me that if they were to actually abide by every rule then they would be asleep by pick #4. So, let me just tell you that bypassing some of the drinks from time to time is very much encouraged.

Also and this is an obvious one, if you’re under 21 then don’t bother with this game. Your time will come when you’ll be able to experience quite possibly the greatest NFL Draft Drinking game on the planet.

Make sure if you are playing this game or just having a few beverages that you’re doing it responsibly. This means that there are zero reasons under any circumstance that you drink and drive. There are no less than five different apps you can have to find other transportation which means there are exactly zero reasons for you to get behind the wheel of a car if you’ve been drinking. Don’t be a moron and think you can get away with it. Just don’t do it.

This year’s draft isn’t getting as much shine as last year’s draft mainly because the quarterbacks aren’t as good or polarizing. I understand what the talking heads are saying but that doesn’t mean that this draft is a dud or anything like that. The mystery and beauty of the draft are that none of us know how any of these players are going to turn out. That’s why draft night is so much fun. We fans convince ourselves of so many crazy things based on pretty much nothing but hope. It’s wonderful.

As a Miami Dolphins fan even with only having, currently, four picks in this draft due to bringing in Tyreek Hill, I’m still very much intrigued to see what they’re going to do. The mad scientist of trades that is Chris Grier is liable to do anything so heck yes I’ll be paying attention.

The game is highly predicated on what the announcers say so make sure you’re tuning in to the banter of whatever network you’re going with. That all being said here are the rules of the 2022 NFL Draft Drinking game.

Drink Once…

• If any announcer says that a player is a freak athlete, a project, a workhorse, has a high motor, is a student of the game, or does well in the classroom
• if there is a trade
• if anyone says that a player has had “off the field issues or has character concerns”
• if Mel Kiper or Todd McShay says that any player drafted in the 1st round that they had them graded as a 2nd or 3rd round guy
• whenever Booger McFarland says something painfully obvious. Use your judgment here
• if anyone says that ‘this a draft where we don’t know who the #1 pick will be”
• if it gets talked about that the receiver position is as deep as it’s ever been
• if anyone uses the word “nasty” when describing an offensive or defensive lineman
• if anyone tried to pull off any form of gambling pun
• if after that gambling pun nobody laughs and the rest of the panel thinks it was lame

Drink Twice…

• if anyone mentions or if they pull up a graphic about the amount of Alabama players that have been drafted over the last few years
• if the panel of announcers has a discussion about Kayvon Thibodeaux being a hard guy to read who has said some really weird and interesting things about himself
• if anyone compares Aiden Hutchinson to any of the Bosa brothers or the Watt brothers
• if they talk about Kenny Picket’s hand size
• if anyone says that Kyle Hamilton is pound for pound the best player in the draft
• if there is a discussion, at any point of the draft, that this is a “prove it” year for Tua Tagovailoa
• if anyone mentions Kyler Murray’s contract issues
• if anyone says that Matt Araiza is a “weapon”
• if anyone mentions that a player was a beast or a force at the Senior Bowl

Drink Three…

• if anyone says the term “swiss army knife” to describe a player
• if you see a group of Raider fans wearing those spike shoulder pads
• if they show footage of any player playing a different sport
• if 2 running backs get drafted in the 1st round
• if 4 quarterbacks get drafted in the 1st round
• if they show the video of Jordan Davis chasing a cow
• if the Packers don’t draft a receiver in the 1st round and the panel says Aaron is mad
• if anyone mentions that Joe Thomas was fishing when got drafted

Finish your Beverage…

• If there is any reference to Laremy Tunsil’s gas mask situation
• if the mention that the Vikings once missed their pick
• if there is a montage of Mel Kiper’s hair over the years
• if they show any footage of Aaron Rodgers or Brady Quinn sitting in the green room
• if they show the clip of Josh Rosen saying 9 teams made a mistake not drafting him
• if anyone laughs or jokes about Urban Meyer’s time in Jacksonville
• if anyone almost or knocks down Roger Goodell as Christian Wilkins did
• if Mike Greenberg squeezes in how he covered Michael Jordan back in the 90s

As I said, don’t feel that you have to follow the game rules to the letter of the law. If you hear something said that’s a rule, go with it or don’t. Moderation is your ally here. No need to do anything out of your comfort zone. Drink responsibly and under no circumstances operate a car if you’re drinking. Don’t be a loser. Call an Uber or whatever you have and be safe. Enjoy the draft night, make it as fun as you and let’s…

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