The Miami Dolphins are expected to be the NFL team equivalent of a piñata in 2026. Their brutal schedule, patchwork free-agent class, 13 drafted rookies, and smattering of star players are in for a bumpy ride.
It figures to be a stormy maiden season at the helm for Dolphins head coach Jeff Hafley. He specializes in defense, but according to some new NFL predictions, that expertise isn't expected to go a long way for Miami this year.
After what could be one of those classic, odd Week 1 games in Las Vegas where the Dolphins at least have a puncher's chance to beat the Raiders, things could go sideways real fast for Hafley and Co.
Miami Dolphins expected to be shredded in 3 record-setting losses
SB Nation's Jarrett Bailey evidently had it out for the Dolphins to some degree in his recent list of 61 NFL predictions for the new season. These projections are fun, even if some of them border on incredulous territory.
Anyway, these three predictions focus on the somewhat realistic possibilities posited by Bailey. It just unfortunately comes at Miami's expense in a big way — and doesn't reflect well on Hafley.
Ready? We've got an all-time great wide receiver climbing the most career TD receptions list, and a couple of elite QBs going scorched-earth on the Fins' secondary.
49ers WR Mike Evans catches Tony Gonzalez vs. Dolphins
Sounds like it'll be a long day at the office for Dolphins rookie first-round pick Chris Johnson. While the San Diego State product should have a bright future under Hafley's watch, Johnson could be in for a hard-earned lesson against the living legend Mike Evans.
After all those years in Tampa Bay, Evans has gone to the Bay Area to be the 49ers' WR1. He can bully anybody at the catch point and still has plenty of wiggle and acceleration to get it done.
Evans' forecast here includes eight receptions for 109 yards and three TDs. He will at least tie Tony Gonzalez for ninth all-time in receiving touchdowns at 111. Or so it's been foretold.
Joe Burrow torches Dolphins to match living QB legends
This caps an absurd two-game heater for Burrow. Bailey has him going nuclear for five touchdown passes in the season opener against Evans' beloved ex-Buccaneers teammates, followed by a 44-16 rout of the Dolphins in Week 5 in which he throws for five more TDs.
Only four quarterbacks in NFL history have had two games of five-plus TD passes within the first five weeks of a season. Wanna know who? It's quite an impressive lineup:
- Tom Brady
- Peyton Manning
- Russell Wilson
- Daunte Culpepper
Could Joe Burrow make that group a quintet? We shall see. He sure does have the weapons to get it done. Cincinnati's duo of Ja'Marr Chase and Tee Higgins ought to feast on the Dolphins' suspect defensive backfield.
Worth noting: During his last trip to Miami in Week 16 of last year, Burrow completed 25 of 32 passes for 309 yards, four TDs, and had a 146.5 passer rating in a 45-21 victory. The Dolphins' current defense looks worse off on paper than that 2025 unit, personnel-wise.
Pray for Jeff Hafley.
Josh Allen embarrasses Dolphins with 7 total TDs in Week 11
The list of QBs to record seven TDs in a single game — Allen has two starts where he piled up six — is quite the elite set of company, via StatMuse:
- Drew Brees
- Peyton Manning
- Nick Foles
- Mark Rypien
- Y.A. Tittle
- George Blanda
- Joe Kapp
Wow! Some legends from decades back, plus four Super Bowl MVPs. Too bad Allen has never led the Buffalo Bills to the Big Game before.
Was that a low blow? We're punching up out here, everyone. I'm fully aware the Dolphins are a galaxy far, far away from contending for the Lombardi Trophy. But Bailey's write-up gives Miami fans some consolation in the form of faith in a couple of their rookie linebackers:
"I’m sorry, Dolphins fans. Really, I am. If it makes you feel better, I really like Jacob Rodriguez and Kyle Louis and think both will be studs. But Allen has owned the Dolphins throughout his career. He has two 400-yard games and six 300-yard games against Miami in his career. In Week 11, coming off a four total-touchdown performance in a win over the Jets, Allen throws for five touchdowns and rushes for two more as the Bills bury Miami 52-16."
Tough stuff here. Allen does own the Dolphins. Despite losing the last meeting, check out Allen's all-time stats versus Miami. It's a legit MVP season:
- Record: 13-3
- 4,256 passing yards / 703 rushing yards with 5 TDs
- 42 passing TDs, 9 INTs, 109.4 passer rating
Hard to argue with that big of a sample size. And this might be the weakest Dolphins team Allen has faced in his prime.
I'm not so sure the Dolphins are going to hit that Over 4.5 wins mark anymore, folks.
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